Thursday, September 22, 2011

Choices

Hello...I'm back in the land of the living.  Sort of.

Last Thursday I started to feel like my Fall allergies were coming on.  A little post-nasal drip with the accompanying sore throat.  Then Thursday night, I started realizing this was more than allergies.  I had a fever, aches, chills, the whole nine yard of flu.  Saturday night I was sure death was imminent.  Sinus pressure like you wouldn't believe.  Turns out it was a full blown sinus infection.  I'm on antibiotics and am slowly feeling better.  Tony has been Mr. Mom; doing laundry, making meals, caring for the children and trying (in vain) not to get sick.  It's been a fun week.  Psych.  Being sick with a baby should be illegal.  I can't seem to rest long enough to feel better.

I am trying to figure out who I am as a mother of two.  So far, I'm a bit self absorbed, sorry friends.  I'm a little lazy and undisciplined.  Short on patience and long on excuses.  It's been a good two months and a hard two months.  One of my biggest concerns has been my scripture study.  Before Noah was born I'd been in a really good groove with my studying.  Hopefully like most of you, my scripture study tends to be cyclical.  Or maybe hopefully not, I hope you're all better than me.  It goes like this, (starting at the top) I have a really spiritually uplifting/faith exercising experience and vow to really feast from the good word.  I make time every day, for a significant time, to really pray about what I've read and to find ways to apply it.  Then something disrupts my routine and I only have time to read quickly...then a few days of that and I'm barely nibbling at the scriptures and then a few days have passed and I haven't read at all.  Then I start telling myself not to bother reading at all if I don't have time to do it right.  A few verses do make a difference. Then I start feeling awful and can't figure out why.  Why am I lacking perspective?  Then I remember I need to read my scriptures and I start the process all over again.  So-since Noah's been born I've been in the middle/bottom of this cycle...reading a chapter here and there, counting the times I open my scriptures at church as studying.  I've been telling myself that it's okay for things to be out of whack for a while...I'm serving my family, trying to get enough sleep just to give my family what they need, right?

A couple weeks ago I went to an auxillary training meeting with Sister Esplin.  She was talking to me.  There were other people in the room...but her message was for me.  At one point she said of daily scripture study, and I'm paraphrasing here, "I know a lot of you are young mothers...you may have 5 (2) little ones at home and some days it's a struggle just to brush your hair...(how did she know?) but you need to make your personal scripture study a priority."  She talked about sacrificing in order to make sure we are worthy of the Spirit and receiving personal revelation.  I needed that.  A lot.  I have been loving my calling in Primary.  It makes a huge difference with whom you serve.  I am working really hard to keep my studying a feast and make it a priority.

I guess it'll be another day before I choose cleaning over blogging 'cause here I am at my desk and the kitchen, behind me, is a ginormous mess and I'm pretty sure Noah's nap is going to be over any second...'tis the life of Mom.

On an unrelated note, isn't my niece adorable?


And another thing...I'm only 14 page views away from 20,000.  I should do something to celebrate.

7 comments:

katie+brandon said...

adorable girl.
you'll figure things out.
love you.

GramMO said...

I love you Anna. Does it help to know i think you are an AMAZING Mom,mother, daughter? I do and you are loved!

Stacie said...

I loved reading all your thoughts; they sound so familiar. Thank you for sharing them. Life is constantly a balancing act, isn't it? You definitely have to cut yourself some slack with such a little one (or a lot of slack!). Scripture study is one of the easiest things to cut (I do/have done it myself...your pattern sounds very familiar!), but the words of Sister Esplin are inspiring. It really has to come first (or right near the top) or it simply falls right out. I know. Thanks for this reminder.

You are doing such a great job. Life will gradually feel more manageable, especially once you are all healthy again. That makes a big difference! Hang in there.

CUTE picture of Lizzie!

Jennifer said...

Love you. It will all work out somehow. I keep telling myself that when I haven't brushed my hair and it's 6:30PM. Like that pic of Lizzie. It's cute.

Kimberlee said...

I am so sorry you were sick. What a miserable waste of time and energy :( I can totally relate feeling "self-absorbed" which took reading it from you to realize how ironic that sounds. Sometimes, all you can do is take care of yourself so that you can be there for your kids when they need you, which is every waking moment of the day.

Stephanie said...

So sorry you were sick. And you soooo aren't alone with the scripture study thing. Whenever I hear things like, "The apostles have to keep teaching us the same things, because we haven't learned the old ones," I realize they're talking to me. I mean how much simpler can it get? Read the scriptures every day. Period. Yet, I fail more than half of the time.

Sigh...

Stephanie said...

P.S. While life with two doesn't necessarily get easier, you get used to it! Hang in there!