Sunday, August 12, 2012

She will be loved.

I've been going through the kids' toys, weeding things out to make room for all of Noah's new cars and trucks.  I happened across a make-your-own puppet kit that Lucy had been gifted a few years ago and we had never done.  I got it out yesterday morning and played puppet show for a while after breakfast.  Lu and I put on a few shows for Noah.  He was a great audience.  It was a really fun moment.  Her sense of humor has really matured lately and it's funny to listen to her.  

Did I tell you she told me she knows Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney movie but that it's not her favorite.  Why?  Because, in her words, it's too romantic.  

Precocious little darling, isn't she?

***** ***** *****

She goes to Kindergarten in 22 days.  I feel like in 22 days my life changes forever (and I'm totally nesting).  I feel like she is no longer just mine.  She will be out the world...for people to build up or tear down, to appreciate or ignore.  Now, I do understand that it is "just Kindergarten," and she'll do great.  I am not worried about her in that way.  I like her teacher and expect to grow to love her, I like her principal, I really like her school.  Kindergarten is the beginning, in the sweet words of Tony's aunt, "blink and 20 years will go by."  That is why I feel melancholy. 

I struggled for a while with the school issue, whether or not to home school, and to apply for school of choice or a charter school.  I grew up going to a private school and being taught that private was better.  I still think this is true in the school district I grew up in.  I know this is not true everywhere.  I was given some amazing opportunities and will be forever grateful for them.  I can not give that same luxury to my children.  If I could, I would.  I am used to a private school environment.  I am used to elitism.  I love uniforms.  I want Lucy to be challenged academically.  I want morality to be part of the curriculum.  These are reasons I chose to apply for placement in a charter school.  I attended their open house to learn more and felt that it is the best place for Lucy.

I prayed she would get in.  We applied to four charter schools.  She was wait-listed at all of them but she was #5 at my #1 choice.  I got the call in May that she had been accepted.


Then the full day/half day issue came into play and I started second guessing my decision.  Am I ready to send my baby out to some other pseudo-mom for 7 hours a day?  I guess so, came the answer.  I know the school is right, we would have to adjust next year anyway, so away we go.

22 days.  I feel like these are her last days of babyhood. I know she isn't a baby but these are the last somewhat carefree days we have left.  I say somewhat because I've really been shoving that Summer Bridge book down her throat each day.  She's committed to it and I'm proud of how hard she's worked.  The other day, while Noah napped, her and I sat at the table eating lunch.  You know how they say those big parenting moments happen in seemingly casual ways?  A chat in the car, or in our case over sweet potato fries at lunch time.  I decided to do a little role playing game with her.  I told her to pretend we were playing in the kitchen area in her classroom, I came up to her and asked her to do something naughty, to break rules.  She said, "no, thank you."  We discussed rules and a couple other social scenarios she might run into and I realized she is ready.  She is confident, she is well-adjusted and self-assured.  I don't need to worry about her.  I worry about the first time she gets teased and how she will feel.  I worry about her telling me everything.  I worry about a time when she really doesn't need to tell me everything.
I miss her babyhood but I am excited for her and know that she will be loved.


Bethany said...

nice post. love it. Amen.

Michelle said...

Anna, I am friends with Jenny {my sister and I went to the same school that you did} and found your blog through her. Anyway, usually I just read, but this post really spoke to me so I had to comment. I feel the same way and wanted to say thanks for putting words to my thoughts. My oldest is off to kindergarten this year also.

Stephanie said...

I feel like you just stated all my fears as well. I always feel sappy when I talk about being sad to send Skyler off to school, but I really am going to miss her. I worry a lot about how long she is going to be gone now that it's all day. It feels like too much, like I'm not going to have enough influence over her.


GramMO said...

Me too, Anna, me too......I love you.Some of us yearn from afar. Lucy is fortunate to have a mom who stays in the moment during these precious life moments.